tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC March 20, 2010 3:05am-4:00am EDT
-- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ >> jimmy: hey, everybody. i can feel it. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. how are you feeling, friday? you feeling good? [ cheers and applause ] hey, just a quick reminder. daylight savings time begins this weekend. everybody's setting their clocks ahead an hour, okay? or if you are congressman eric massa you are wishing you could set them back about a week. [ light laughter ] yeah, daylight savings time, which means you lose an hour of sleep. of course, if you are roommates with congressman massa, it's safer not to fall asleep at all. [ laughter ] i mean, you might get snorkeled. [ laughter ] i don't know if you guys heard this. the house just voted to have a congressional probe into eric massa's behavior. massa was like, "you're going to probe me?" [ laughter ] "awesome."
"spring break came early." yeah. [ cheers ] spring breakers? [ cheers and applause ] the sbs. the sbs, spring breakers. [ laughter ] just trying to start something new. we're on sb, man. spring break. some news from the car industry. yesterday, toyota said, it's mystified but that incident in san diego where a prius accelerated to 94 miles an hour. great, nothing instills confidence like an official statement of, "i don't know." [ laughter ] "i don't know. magic?" this is scary. federal officials just revealed that a member of al qaeda worked at three nuclear power plants in new jersey for six years. wait, there are three nuclear power plants in new jersey? [ light laughter ] i guess that explains snookie.
[ laughter and applause ] oh, now i get it. thanks for coming. [ laughter ] listen to this. a man in san francisco has created an electronic glove that lets you play rock, paper, scissors on your own. [ light laughter ] will nerds ever get to the point where it's just easier to make one friend? [ laughter ] "no, i'm going to stay at home and invent a glove robot. no big deal. it should take me eight to nine years. it will be fantastic. scissors. scissors. i programmed it to lose against scissors." [ light laughter ] couldn't believe this. a 75-year-old great grandmother in poland was arrested for riding her bicycle drunk. [ laughter ] i'm sorry, did i say great grandmother? i meant the greatest grandmother. [ scattered applause ]
check this out. a man in china proposed to his girlfriend by diving into a giant tank at an aquarium and holding up a sign that said "please marry me." onlookers described the man as "crazy but romantic." while the sharks described him as "salty but sweet." [ laughter ] you guys hear this? two male college students in britain just broke a record after a hugged each other for 24 hours and 17 minutes. immediately after, they got a call from congressman eric massa asking if they wanted to break another record. [ laughter ] "no thanks, mate." this is unbelievable. a 2-year-old boy climbed into one of those prize machines with the claw and got stuck inside. [ light laughter ] the worst part it took his dad like ten hours to win him back. [ laughter ] it was like, "almost got him. almost got him. stuffed octopus. that's pretty cool. "we're going to get you out of there, johnny." >> finally, amy winehouse is starting her own clothing line. [ light laughter ]
on her shirt's washing instructions it says, "wash? yeah, right." [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, man. we got a great friday show for you tonight, everybody. my pal and talented actress, the very funny, very cool, parker posey is here, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] yeah! from the new film "the bounty hunter," "saturday night live" funny man jason sudeikis is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] i love him, too. these are all good people. and we've got music from one of our favorites. they were on our first or second week we ever came on. i'll never forget that. i love this band. vampire weekend is going to be here! [ cheers and applause ] and they are awesome. they're the best. today is friday. and that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. i check my inbox, return some e-mails.
of course, send out "thank you notes." well, i'm running a bit behind today, so i thought, if you wouldn't mind, i'd like to write out my weekly "thank you notes" right now. is that cool? [ cheers and applause ] thank you. i'll make this fairly quick. i appreciate it. thank you. hey, roots, can i get some "thank you note" writing music? [ light laughter ] ♪ beautiful. thank you, carlos slim, who was just named by "forbes" magazine as the world's richest man, for being the only billionaire on the planet with the same name as a pimp. [ laughter ] thank you, person i'm walking behind who happens to be going in the exact same direction, for making me feel like i'm following you. [ laughter ]
and thank you, my decision to joke, "i'm not following you" for somehow not putting that person at ease. [ laughter ] thank you, receipts from best buy, for being unnecessarily long. [ laughter ] hey, thanks for purchasing season four of "lost." here's an entire rain forest. thank you. more? ♪ thank you, espn classic, for being a really exciting channel to watch if you just came out of a coma. [ laughter ]
wow, i wonder if muhammad ali will win? this is exciting. grainy footage, but so -- so new and fresh. ♪ thank you, eyebrows, for being there. because if you weren't, we'd all look pretty weird. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, adjustable baseball caps with no logo on the front and mesh netting in the back, for being a great way to say, "hi, i'm over 80 years old." [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, birthday card i'm writing in the car outside a birthday party -- [ laughter ]
-- for proving that i need to make some changes with my life. [ laughter ] have a great birthday. [ applause ] this is the last "thank you note" right here. [ audience aws ] i'll never forget you guys. [ laughter ] and you guys. ♪ thank you, the expression "with all due respect," for letting me know when people are about to say something with zero respect. [ laughter and applause ] thank you, guys. there you have it. those are my "thank you notes." we'll be right back with cell phone shoot-out. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ if you've taken your sleep aid and you're still fighting to sleep in the middle of the night, why would you go one more round using it ? you don't need a rematch-- but a re-think-- with lunesta. lunesta is different. it keys into receptors that support sleep, setting your sleep process in motion.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. and thanks so much for watching. i appreciate it. everybody, we love gadgets on this show. and we also love games. and that's why it's time once again for "cell phone shoot-out." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: here's how the game works. we're going to invite three
people down here with cell phone cameras. a bunch of images are going to flash by on the sharp 108, really fast. six images a second. that's pretty fast. and you're going to snap a picture with your cell phone as they go by. whatever you take a picture of, that's what you win. steve, what are the prizes we're playing for here? >> steve: well, jimmy, we have fools gold, a to-do list, a kiss nutcracker doll, this stylish piano and our grand prize is a $5,000 gift certificate to subway. [ light laughter ] that's $5,000 of subway deliciousness. that's 5k in footlongs. jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you, higgins. what's with all the dudes with cameras over there? >> that's one of the prizes. >> jimmy: what is -- what is the prize? >> steve: i don't want to say. it's just a prize. just drop it. >> jimmy: higgins, just tell me what it is. >> steve: paparazzi attack. [ talking over each other ]
stop, please. come on. >> jimmy: all you have to do is say paparazzi attack? [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: stop, please stop. stop please, stop. >> oh, i cut off his head. [ laughter ] >> -- take a picture. >> jimmy: yeah, i got you. okay, so here are lots of great prizes up there. so, let's bring out our contestants right now. come on down! who do we have playing "cell phone shoot-out" tonight? >> steve: well, jimmy, tonight's contestants are -- kyie ross, andy brienza and lauren holberg. get your cell phones out and ready and get down here. ♪ come on down for "cell phone shoot-out." >> jimmy: hello. how are you doing? nice to see you. okay, what is your name and where are you from? >> i am kyie ross and i'm from oakland, california. >> jimmy: very, very cool. just visiting new york? >> just visiting. for it's my -- my birthday was actually yesterday.
so, i'm here celebrating. >> jimmy: happy belated birthday. >> thank you. >> jimmy: very, very good. [ applause ] it's gonna be a good year. hey, buddy, what's your name and where are you from? >> my name's andy, i'm from the jersey shore originally but i just moved to manhattan. >> jimmy: very good. [ applause ] okay, good. that's awesome. i couldn't tell by the tan, but that's very good. hey, what's your name? where are you from? >> i'm lauren, i'm from miami. >> jimmy: very good. very cool. awesome. very, very good. very hot areas, jersey shore, california, miami, florida. yeah. no real advantage, though, here to "cell phone shoot-out." here's what the rules are. you got to turn around and face the sharp 108, please. get your cell phones ready. yeah, you can turn around. and, yeah, get your cell phones ready to go. now don't fire until i tell you to, okay? and i'll give you the signal. okay, get all set up on camera. and get ready to go. okay, here we go. start the loop. wait for my command. wait for it. wait for it. wait for it. ready, aim, shoot! stop the loop. stop the loop.
there you go. all right. here we go. all right, player number one, let's see what you've got. [ drum roll ] here we go. oh, my goodness. $5,000 worth of subway! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: you won a $5,000 gift certificate redeemable for deliciousness at subway. buy lunch for 1,000 people or give it to yourself and have lunch for 1,000 days. it's 1,000 feet of footlong, and it's all yours with this $5,000 gift certificate from subway. eat fresh. five grand! jimmy. >> jimmy: i mean, that's good. that's the grand prize. [ cheers and applause ] you never been there? >> i'll never be hungry. >> jimmy: you'll never be hungry, no way. absolutely. that's 1,000 footlongs. [ laughter ] all right, congratulations. contestant number two. let's see what you got there, buddy. first of all, what's going on with your phone? >> it broke. >> jimmy: when did it break? >> a couple of weeks ago. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i see what you got here -- kiss nutcracker. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: whoa! you've won a kiss nutcracker
doll. two heartwarming traditions in one. it combines the raw, gaudy, head banging theatricality of christmas with the heartwarming season of giving. as old as the bible itself. mr. gene simmons. ♪ jimmy >> jimmy: congratulations. you psyched about that? >> i'm so psyched about that. got a lot of nuts to crack. [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ eric massa >> jimmy: -- let's hope you didn't get the paparazzi. no, no, no, get away. [ talking over each other ] please, please, stop. please stop. >> right here, baby, right here. >> jimmy: okay. i think -- i think i know what this one is. it's a little blurry, but, yeah. you got a subscription to "orthopedics" magazine. ♪ [ applause ] >> steve: oh, my goodness. you have a year's subscription to "orthopedics" magazine. the year, 1984. you'll be enthralled by such articles as use of bovine knees in operative othrostropy --. the key properties of the hoss and vital external organs and
sanction apparatus -- and reoccurring posterior dilocaton of the shoulder. all the materials cutting edge from 1984. paging dr. you. paging dr. you. please report to the awesome prize room, stat. ♪ jimmy >> jimmy: there you go. [ applause ] my god, are you excited about that? >> i'm so excited, yes. >> jimmy: '84s a good year for that magazine. there you go. i hope you enjoy your prizes. thank you for playing "cell phone shoot-out." and we'll be right back with parker posey. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] degree men responds to increases in adrenaline. from the new adrenaline series,
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but noble pils will be gone before you know it. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our first guest is a very talented and versatile actress who's starred in great comedies like, "dazed and confused," "waiting for guffman" and "best in show." her latest is "happy tears" opposite demi moore. say hello to my pal, parker posey, everybody. ♪
[ cheers and applause ] >> come on, the roots. you have the roots here. come on. you are doing so well. i am so happy for you. >> jimmy: ohthank you so much. you're great. >> i really am. this is great. you found your niche, you know? >> jimmy: thank you so much, pal. >> the internet is so funny. >> jimmy: that you so much, parker. we're friends for a long time. >> i know. >> jimmy: so, this is cool. i appreciate it. >> the last time i saw you was at chris kattan's wedding. >> jimmy: that's right. >> do you remember that? >> jimmy: i do, yeah. you were his best man. >> yeah. [ light laughter ] yeah. >> jimmy: interesting. how does that happen? i didn't even know how that happened. >> he just asked me. and he's just one of those guys, you know. you know, meet someone, and they feel like family? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i have a twin brother. and he just felt like -- >> jimmy: who's also named chris. >> yes, he's also a chris. >> but that july, remember it was like a barbeque pit at yosemite? that was the day -- >> jimmy: he dragged us all up to yosemite. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: not an easy place to
get to. >> no, no. >> jimmy: at one point a sherpa was taking me to my hotel room. [ light laughter ] i go, "this is ridiculous that i'm coming all the way out here for this." yeah. >> and, it was those forest fires that -- if you don't leave -- stay inside. because going out is like smoking three packs of cigarettes. remember that? the air was so bad. >> jimmy: they purposely light fires in the trees to keep the forest -- i think they purposely light fires to it. and it was just during a wedding it was just like smoggy and like, "do you take --" and there's just smoke. you saw a couple of rings. >> everybody's eyes were burning. >> jimmy: everyone's sweating. >> but, we danced on the dance floor. we had a good time. >> jimmy: we always have super fun. >> and you liked my toast. >> jimmy: yes. >> remember, i gave the toast to chris. >> jimmy: you had a fantastic toast. >> in front of all those guys. >> jimmy: yeah. we -- which is a lot of pressure. >> yeah. you were like, "you were great." >> jimmy: yeah, i meant it. >> it felt like -- >> jimmy: we toasted before. -- my parents have these new year's parties, upstate new york, in saugerties. >> oh, my god! amazing. how are your parents? >> jimmy: they're doing great. >> they're great? >> jimmy: they're two insane people. >> do remember when i told you that when i saw your house --
when i went to your house? that -- are they still on that strip of -- in the neighborhood. and do they still have the -- is there the neighbor that has the christmas everywhere inside the house? >> jimmy: yeah. >> it was like christmas cozies on toilet paper covers and towels and -- >> jimmy: yeah, bunny. bunny spurdanis. >> bunny? >> jimmy: bunny is her name, yeah. >> come on. >> jimmy: i know. [ light laughter ] but, what we do is -- we celebrate new year's. we count down. i drag my friends upstate. >> the band plays. >> jimmy: we have a band, me and my friend. it's two people in the band. [ laughter ] >> they were so bad. >> jimmy: we were really bad. >> really, really bad. >> jimmy: we're called the born losers. >> the born losers, yeah. >> jimmy: i'm surprised you didn't remember. it's pretty famous. [ laughter ] but we -- and then after new year's we'd count down 5, 4, 3, 2 -- and we all have pots and pans and spoons and we just bang pots and pans. >> yeah, walk up and down the street. >> jimmy: and then we parade up and down the street. and then we go to our neighbor's house. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and that's our neighbor, yeah, bunny. and she's awesome. >> that is amazing. >> jimmy: and they just kind of wait for us. >> and they were like -- yeah, they were all sitting around a table and drinking eggnog or some other like -- >> jimmy: i think wine.
they are a very italian family. and they make, like, homemade wine. and they just wait for us to come by. then a bunch of drunk irish people come over. "oh, hey! what's going on? how are you?" it's like midnight. >> it's like being -- it was like your family was like from -- i was like, "jimmy, your family lives in the bottom of a tree trunk." it was like very fairied. like mushroom people. everyone was laughing all the time. and it's for real, though. like -- i mean, like everyone really laughing all the time. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, always laughing. >> and your mom's name. gloria? >> jimmy: gloria. >> and your sister? >> jimmy: gloria. >> okay, right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. and my dad's name is jim. [ laughter ] the most unoriginal family on earth. >> ooh, tell, them i said hi. as if, they're not gonna see the show -- >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. "what are we going to name our kids?" "uh, jim." "for the girl?" "gloria." [ laughter ] it was unbelievable. that was always weird. but, you know, a cool story i don't know if you ever told. you've done the christopher guest movies, stuff like that. and lorne michaels helped you get into that -- those movie.
>> yeah. i auditioned for the "coneheads" in 2000 -- no, i always think the '90s are still the 2000s. i, like, blocked out a decade. >> jimmy: you forget about the '90s. this is in 1991. and there was an audition for connie conehead. and i knew that i wouldn't get the connie conehead part because i knew they would want a rack. you know, they'd want, like, a girl with big boobs. i just knew it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i don't really have -- i don't have big boobs. and i said, "lorne, connie should have friends. because she's a conehead and she should have friends. that would be really sad if she's in school and she doesn't have any friends." and i convinced him to hire me and my friend joey lauren adams. >> jimmy: that's a serious conversation -- >> it was. >> jimmy: "connie conehead should have friends." >> yes. and he -- i was like, i got my s.a.g. plus 15% on that job. and i had a really good time.
i hung out with david spade and chris farley. we had such a good time. and then, i guess, a year later, i had an audition for "murphy brown" and was called in to meet christopher guest, who i wasn't -- i mean, my brother watched "spinal tap." to me that movie was just heavy metal music, which i don't like. so i didn't really get it. so, i went in to meet chris guest and just had a great conversation with him and -- >> jimmy: he called lorne. >> yeah, oh yeah! that's right. he called lorne michaels and said do you know an actress, who can play 18 and improvise? and he recommended me. >> jimmy: really? so you nailed it. >> that's how i got -- it was only and reese witherspoon. but, you know, it wasn't an audition. it was just a conversation. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: there was no script, right? >> he wasn't like, get up and dance or do anything. but, yeah, there's no script. so, i told him i loved -- >> jimmy: nothing really to audition. >> nothing to audition. i told him i loved documentaries and i would love, to you know, i went to acting school. all the stuff i love, like
building a character. >> jimmy: i remember like -- >> and all that dorky stuff. it was so much fun. >> jimmy: it is fun. because, then you -- did "waiting for guffman." and you were unbelievable in that. and then -- was "best in show" next? >> "best in show." >> jimmy: "best in show," which, i got to say, is one of the best performances ever. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, it's so funny. so good. yeah, i mean, yeah. come on. >> cue the applause. >> jimmy: no, no cued applause. that was phenonenal. it was so good. and i remember you told me that you improvised that line. like, they just asked you, they interviewed you documentary style about like, "how did you meet your boyfriend?" and you were like, "we met at a starbucks." and then you thought of a line. you go, "not the same starbucks." >> they were catty corner across the street from each other. but that -- there really is a starbucks in vancouver, two of them, that are catty corner across the street from each other. >> jimmy: two starbucks on the same street? >> yeah, i didn't make that up. that was real -- >> jimmy: oh, sorry. >> and in canada. and they we like, "oh, that's just a joke." like, no, that's really -- >> jimmy: i don't know what's real and what's fake. don't tell me "avatar" is fake. [ laughter ]
just don't do it. don't tell me. because then -- "best in show" was amazing. i know that you love dogs. you have a very cute little dog. >> i do. my boyfriend on the "bonnie hunt show" you guys, you can google that and watch her online if you'd like. where i -- >> jimmy: no, i love bonnie hunt. but wait, what's going on? your dog is on "bonnie hunt"? >> i revealed a portrait that my boyfriend painted of my dog gracie, and i talked about how it was my birthday. and he said, you know, "gracie come over here and pose for mommy on the couch." and she did this whole photo shoot. >> jimmy: amazing. we have some pictures of gracie's photo shoot. >> she really was -- there's one shot -- >> jimmy: there you go. [ audience aws ] >> i know. >> jimmy: she really got into this photo shoot. [ laughter ] >> oh, that's her serious side. >> jimmy: that's her serious side? >> yeah. >> jimmy: she's thinking about europe. [ laughter ] >> "where's mommy? where's mommy?" [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: there you go. >> she was tired. and, you know, there were like 18 pictures. and i think -- >> jimmy: big photo --
>> i think that was too much for the show, to show all of that. >> jimmy: how many did you have? >> there are, like, nine, i think. >> jimmy: oh, that's not that bad. i thought you were gonna say 30. but did it go to her head? she's super, like, snobby now? >> i'm trying to get her into show business. because, i'm not working as much anymore, with the economy. so i'm going to be a show mom with my poodle. [ laughter ] you think that's a good idea? >> jimmy: i think it's a great idea. i think she has her own line of vodka coming out, too. i think i hear. very exciting about that dog. >> poodle power. >> jimmy: yeah. >> she has a power drink. >> jimmy: ruff ruff morning. [ laughter ] >> ruff times. >> jimmy: yeah. ruff times -- ruff times is pretty good. >> ruff times whiskey. >> jimmy: smells like other dogs' butts. [ laughter ] what am i doing? hey -- i don't know what i'm talking about. i want to talk about "happy tears." "happy tears" with demi moore. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: how awesome. how fun is that? >> i know. she was amazing. i loved working with her. >> jimmy: you guys were great as sisters. that's a good idea.
>> it was much fun. yeah, i hope we can do it again in something else. >> jimmy: yeah, what is it about? can you sum it up? >> um -- not really, but -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: just got to see for yourself. >> yeah, just go see it. >> jimmy: and go, "oh, that's what it's about. blue people." >> it's about two sisters, blue people. >> jimmy: in 3-d. >> yeah, in 3-d >> jimmy: i've heard about this movie. [ laughter ] >> it's really amazing technology what they're doing with "happy tears." >> jimmy: it's like -- this one's in 2-d, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: this is so cool. >> i know, it's really cool. and people are talking to each other. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh, ridiculous. >> like actors playing people. >> jimmy: people are talking to each other? >> yes. i know. you guys have to see it. >> jimmy: absolutely, yeah. more with parker posey when we come back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ pick a city. any city. then log on to hotwire.com, where you'll find four-star hotels at two-star prices. hotwire has special deals with hotels. when hotels have unsold rooms they use hotwire to fill them, so you get them at ridiculously low prices. like four stars in san francisco, hotwire hot rate from $85. so pick a city.
>> jimmy: a pepsi commercial. 'cause i know you're a good dancer. >> yes. >> jimmy: we have a little clip of the commercial. ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go. that was the commercial. >> it was so fun. that was work that day. >> jimmy: that was work. work that day. well, i was thinking if you don't mind, i'd like to have maybe a little dance-off. [ cheers and applause ] >> i mean, whatever you want. i don't want to compete with you, but -- >> jimmy: that's the way it is these days. [ cheers and applause ] all right. so here's what we'll do. i'll start them off, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: and then the best two out of three wins.
just invent some moves, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: roots, you give us a beat. ♪ >> jimmy: here we go. we'll call it "laser tag fight." ♪ [ light laughter ] go. ♪ all right. that's pretty good. [ cheers and applause ] all right, now you do one. you do one. ♪ >> this is called windmill. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ all right, you ready?
>> okay, this is called walking and banana peel. [ light laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's pretty good. walking banana peel? ♪ [ light laughter ] wait, i got one. ready? i got one, i got one. i got one, ready? here we go, ready? ♪ this one is called the double dutch. fake jump rope, fake jump rope. fake jump rope, fake jump rope. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] your moves are more confusing than the last four episodes of "lost." ♪ all right. ready? >> do i have to do what you did now? >> jimmy: yeah.
>> he was so good, though. >> jimmy: here you go. you can do it. catch. >> double dutch. >> jimmy: get in there. ♪ hey. whoa. [ cheers and applause ] >> dude, your moves were so tired that ambien called. they want to know the formula because i about fell asleep. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: parker posey right there, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] jason sudeikis joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ here you go, honey.
honey! [ giggling ] what are you looking at? [ screech ] [ male announcer ] need a moment? ♪ [ crunching ] i'm looking at potential babysitters. awww, that's so sweet! [ male announcer ] when you need a moment, chew it over with twix. continues to be a very special beer. six weeks after jim started the business
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♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. our next guest is a very, very funny comedian who kills it every week on "saturday night live." he's also starring alongside jennifer aniston and gerard butler in the movie "the bounty hunter," which opens next friday, march 19th. let's take a look at a clip. >> ha ha. >> hey, did you ever get anything going on that suicide story? >> no. >> yeah, 'cause you know what i was thinking? uh, maybe we should work together on it as a team. you know, woodward, bernstein-style. >> mm-hmm. >> yeah, you know, that way you can knock it out just that much faster. plus, it would give us a little more time to reconnect in our, uh, relationship. >> stewart, we are not in a relationship. we made out one time at the christmas party. i was very drunk.
and i was heartbroken. i would have made out with terry. >> you mean terry the guy or terry the girl? >> right, exactly. really wouldn't have mattered. >> you're right. it doesn't matter because you made out with me. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's a very, very funny dude. welcome jason sudeikis, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you, buddy? is that your new walk? >> that's my new walk. >> jimmy: hey, it's pretty cool, man. you have an agent that gets you walks? >> well, yeah, walk agents. walking agents. >> jimmy: yeah, 'cause you didn't walk like that before. >> was not, was not a good walker prior [ laughter ] to getting her -- him and her. they're married.
>> jimmy: husband and wife agency? >> no, not husband and wife, oddly. just married. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: married in spirit. married in spirit. i got you man. i'm totally with you, man. good to see you, my friend. thanks for coming by. >> good to be seen. good to be seen. look at this. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: are you excited. you excited about this? >> this is exciting. >> jimmy: yeah. what would you compare it to? >> you've been on for a year, right? >> jimmy: i know, a year old. >> this guy has gotten a lot better at the drums, seriously. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i do the "rock band" thing. so, like, you know, i play the game. and -- i, like, honestly. excellent. >> jimmy: yeah, he appreciates that. thank you, guy. [ laughter ] he appreciates that. >> limb separation. >> jimmy: is that what you call it? >> mm-hmm, right? that's what they call it? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: absolutely, yeah. >> all right, good. [ laughter ] it's exciting to see. >> jimmy: it really is exciting stuff. i mean, you just come down just like gangbusters now. >> what's that, yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: because you just, you got so -- your schedule is so busy, that's the thing. >> mm-hmm. i've been really busy the past couple of weeks, yes.
>> jimmy: oh, my gosh. can you let me know what your schedule is like at all? >> oh, yeah, sure. yeah, i mean, that's what -- part of the reason i'm here, i think, right? [ laughter ] let's see. okay. so, like, the past couple of weeks i've been working on this movie in atlanta. and so we had the "snl" schedule which is like six days a week, every day but sunday. and so, like, this week alone, i flew out -- did the show on saturday night then flew out sunday, to go to atlanta. and when you get to atlanta -- you gotta go out. gotta go out doing this movie. you meet people. you have beers, you have to eat food. you stay up. and then you got to get up early, like real early to do movies. then you work all day monday. then you go. and you get done. you gotta go out. gotta go out and drink beers and like, you know, that point -- you know, spicy foods, what not. then you got to go to bed. then you get up on tuesday and you do that. and then, this is what i did. and then i got to go out. >> jimmy: go out and drink. >> yeah, you gotta go out and drink and socialize. [ light laughter ] you know, it's part of the experience. and then wednesday, i flew -- or no, tuesday night, i flew back here. i got into my apartment at 1:00 a.m. and then got picked up at 6:00 a.m. to go work on
"30 rock." tv's "30 rock" on nbc, thursday nights. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. thursdays. so did that and then went straight from shooting "30 rock," had some drinks. then went and did the table read for "snl" at like 4:00 in the afternoon. >> jimmy: "saturday night live" abbreviated. >> yeah, absolutely. that's what they say. you only have 140 characters these days. so you gotta -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: coming out of your mouth? >> isn't it? no? i don't know. anyway -- >> jimmy: it's every breath. that's true. >> then flew back to atlanta. had some drinks on the plane. and then -- and then -- yeah. then once i got there, then went out with people. and then thursday worked and then thursday night didn't get done in time. so then went out with people and flew in today. >> jimmy: oh, my god. this sounds like a crazy schedule. >> this is literally what happened. then i'll be here friday/saturday and then have to go back and do it all again. >> jimmy: when do you have time to meet with your walking agent? >> i use all cell phones. it's all cell phones. >> jimmy: what kind of cell phone do you got?
[ talking over each other ] >> it's like the -- you pull out. >> jimmy: interesting. it's almost like a "get smart" type of thing. >> little tiny thing. >> jimmy: yeah, it's a hand phone. >> yeah, this is one of these. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. i know those. >> like garth brooks. >> jimmy: got your brooksie. at this point you're suspended holding a guitar. you have a shirt. one side black, one side white. >> what a frickin' showman that guy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, he really is. now explain "the bounty hunter" you're in this movie with jenny ani and gerry but. >> g-but. jenny ani, yep. you're very close with them. >> jimmy: yeah. they're best men at my wedding. they really were. >> oh, that's amazing. you're joking. >> jimmy: no, i was joking. [ laughter ] gerry but was not my best man. >> well nobody knew who he was yet. >> jimmy: my friend gerard -- weirdly enough, my friend gerard was by best man. >> that's crazy. >> jimmy: but his last name wasn't butler. >> what is it? >> jimmy: buttman. [ laughter ] >> buttman. servant. gerard servant.
[ laughter ] so the movie is like these two real good looking people run around chasing each other. and then this dickhead with a moustache. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you play him? >> yeah, i'm that guy. i'm the moustache. >> jimmy: congratulations. >> i'm the d-head with the m-o-u, whatever. [ laughter ] no, but the whole bit of it is my character, as you saw like from the clip -- unless you just tuned in, was -- [ light laughter ] he thinks that jennifer aniston has a crush on him. he's a little delusional. and my character has a crush on jennifer aniston's character, which is a role i've been working on for 15 years. [ laughter ] so it was very, very nice. and then the moustache is like its own separate entity. they wanted me to -- i had a beard because it was two weeks after "snl" quit. and like, you know, we put a lot of fake beard on our faces so we always have to be clean shaven. i'm not a big fan of shaving. i don't know if you are. are you? [ laughter ] i'm not a big fan at all. waxing. >> parker: really? >> jimmy: you wax your face? >> yeah. >> you get your face waxed? >> i try to. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah.
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: then you don't have to shave for a while. >> not for a while. you are too busy screaming. [ laughter ] but we -- they asked me to shave everything off. and then i showed up the first day of work with a moustache. they are like, "where did the breakdown here, man? you are supposed to be clean shaven. we've got a lot of beard stuff in this movie." and then i explained to them that i think the moustache is important because my character makes out with jennifer aniston. you know, we make out at the christmas party. so i was, like, what about the idea that maybe it's the halloween party. i dressed up like "magnum p.i." with a fake moustache. she complimented me and said i look like a poor man's kevin kline -- and then two months later, at the christmas party, when i had a real moustache, she then makes out with me. that makes sense, right? and they were like, "yeah, fine, whatever, dude. yeah, just keep your mustache." [ laughter ] >> parker: that's a great idea. >> it's a great idea, right. >> jimmy: they all just did a submission. >> it's for the prequel. i'm already ready for the prequel. >> parker: yeah. of course. well, you have to be. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: right, in your contract. >> what's that? >> jimmy: you cannot do sequels. >> cannot do sequels. >> jimmy: only prequels. >> all my characters die during the credits. [ laughter ]
in my mind. >> jimmy: why would you have your agent -- i don't want to say this, but you should fire your agent -- >> what, the walking agent? >> jimmy: yeah, those guys. >> no way. you see that? >> jimmy: let me see it again. >> it's just like -- it's just like this -- or you can go -- you don't -- like this -- i like this one better. this makes you feel like you're -- >> jimmy: on a treadmill or something? >> a little bit. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's pretty good. i mean, how did you used to walk again? >> oh, god it was horrible. it was like this. [ laughter ] like quasimodo. >> jimmy: much, much better. >> and then so like the summer, i used to moonwalk. but now, it's kind of -- don't do that anymore. >> jimmy: no, absolutely. good man. well, look. well, i know this week, you have jude law. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you have -- >> which is a man. >> jimmy: yes. that is a man. >> curveball. >> jimmy: curveball, jude law is a man. and you have a band, a great band, pearl jam. >> pearl jam. not really a preservative, an actual band. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, you thought they were a preservative. are you going to stick around for vampire weekend? >> i, sure. why not? >> parker: yeah. >> jimmy: jason sudeikis, everybody. you are a funny dude. stick around for a song from vampire weekend.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our next guests recently debuted at number one on the billboard album charts -- [ cheers and applause ] -- with their second album "contra." they're here tonight to perform the song "holiday." please welcome vampire weekend! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ holiday, oh, a holiday and the best one of the year ♪ ♪ don't nap underneath my sheets while i cover both my ears ♪ ♪ so if i wait for a holiday could it stop my fears ♪ ♪ to go away on a summer's day never seemed so clear ♪
♪ ♪ holiday seems so far away a republic on the beach ♪ ♪ i can't forget just how bad it gets when i'm counting on my teeth ♪ ♪ but if i wait for a holiday could it stop my fears ♪ ♪ to go away on a summer's day never seemed so clear ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ a vegetarian since the invasion she'd never seen the word bombs ♪ ♪ she'd never seen the word bombs
blown up to 96 point futura ♪ ♪ she'd never seen an a-k in a yellowy day-glo display ♪ ♪ a t-shirt so lovely it turned all the history books ♪ ♪ i got wheels i got cutter spray and a healthy sense of worth ♪ ♪ half of me is the gasoline but the other half's the surf ♪ ♪ but if i wait for a holiday could it stop my fears ♪ ♪ to go away on a summer's day never seemed so clear ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's how you do it, buddy. that's how you do it. that's how you do it. vampire weekend -- what's up, buddy. i got it good. vampire weekend! check out their album, "contra." [ cheers and applause ] my thanks to parker posey, jason sudeikis, vampire weekend! [ cheers and applause ] and the greatest band in late